not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I die, sorry about rent.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
