you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
