Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
