You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
