Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
