Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
