I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
