i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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