Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
