I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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