We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
