k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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