There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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