Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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