i think i have two assholes
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
