Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
