kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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