I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
