She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
