In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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