there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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