something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
