my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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