So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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