i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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