Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
