Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
