just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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