I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
