I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
