a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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