If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
