Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
