I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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