After last night, I could never be a politician.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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