Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
