My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
