just tell him i said nine months
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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