We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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