Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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