We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
