Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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