On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
