I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
