If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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