He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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