Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
