i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
