i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
