I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
