Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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