Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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